October 25, 2009

thoughts on CSSDP Confernce

The weekend sure had it ups and downs for me but overall it was fantastic. I finally was among like minded people and wasn’t feeling like I needed to lie about anything like I normally do. I certainly felt much more able to “come out of the closet” not just as a person who uses drugs but also a person with a serious and persistent mental health problem.

Yesterday was one of the hardest days I have had with my anxiety in a long time. I was able to go to a conference on Concurrent Disorders in May that was three days with little problem but this conference shock me. The I feel was due to the negative past run in with a member of the CSSDP that was there along with having speakers that I really wanted to impress. I don’t really care about the opinions of the people at the conferences for mental health and addiction but this conference, these people have been my idols for years and I really wanted to impress them.

What Rick Doblin said in his talk spoke to me and he actually mentioned brain scans and having scans of people who use drugs with holes in their brain. Well, I of course did not and I knew he would be intrigued by this.

Dr. Gabor Mate spoke of addiction and its causes which are two things and it isn’t the drug ever otherwise everyone who used it would become addicted and this doesn’t happen. Finally, someone is speaking my language although people would likely assume I am speaking his but I knew this watching friends use while others abused and my friends tended to be from all over the place rather then just one group. I even once met a intern doctor at St. Paul's coming down from mushrooms on the yaletown walk while I was smoking a joint. She worked the next day. We are all drugs users and that was repeated over and over at the conference. Drug use is not addiction.

The conflict that I had with the member in the group specifically said that I couldn't say that as firstly his friends who smoke pot wouldn't think of themselves as drug users. Well, they are...

Addicts have lost two things: belonging and connection. Belonging is having a purposeful and healthy life that contribute to society, family and self. The other is spirituality in the sense that we are all connected and therefore, not every truly alone yet for addicts, they are alone and the pain is unimaginable and that is what drugs or activities provide is a “chemical” feeling of belonging or connection rather then one that is creating by being a healthy environment.

The morning talk of Drugs & Healing that included the panelists, Rick Doblin, Dr. Gabor Mate, Phillipe Lucas, & Kenneth Tupper. They spoke of Ayauasca being a medicine that helps people face the demons in their past to allow them to move beyond being frozen in time due to the trauma. There will be research using this medicine to help aboriginal women on the DTES recover from the excessive trauma they have experienced.
It was so refreshing that I am not the only one who is realizing these facts about addiction and neuroscience.

Rick Doblin invited me to write about my MDMA experiences when using it for my treatment of PTSD and how it saved my life. I am trying to arrange to be in his study here in Vancouver for using MDMA for PTSD along with a friend of mine. You know who you are, I won't say any names. I was serious, girl when I said I would get you in! Plus, I want to do it to and I could only do this with you. We also need to find two men that we trust to do it with us.

I did talk to Rick but not Dr. Gabor Mate about my brain scans. The scans he mentioned were Dr. Amen’s and he said Dr. Amen wasn’t scientific as it was purely for business. I couldn’t argue with that however, on the same note, you can’t blow it off entirely as just being about profit. Dr. Amen puts the context of your scans into your life with a three hour history that goes through it all. I also did indicate that I saw Dr. Amen and that even he admitted that he couldn’t prove that the scans weren’t like that before the drugs and the drugs were an attempt to try to fill in those holes. I think Dr. Amen was doing it more for political reasons rather then due to believing it as they never pressured me to stop the drugs.

In fact, they understood why I continue to use them even after being put on all the supplements. Yes, I still use drugs. OMG and no I am not an addict and never have been aside from tobacco for 20 years which I quit almost 3 years ago now. He did say he was happy to hear they had helped me. It was really interesting to hear this point of view as I tend to be so scientific. I knew it was profit for the AMEN clinics but some people really are in it to help others while being placed into a capitalistic world. We need money to survive and he is still subject to the pressures of the profit medical model in the USA. I still think regardless of the profit factor of Dr. Amen and his drug scans, he has generally helped people.

The second awesome thing was talking to Dr. Gabor Mate. I did ask him about potentially providing support with my self help guide that I wrote and sent to Vancouver Coastal Health both for helping clients and maybe even educating the staff. He said not right now but send me an email in April after he writes his book and he can potentially be interested. This is something.

In the afternoon, it was just Dr. Mate with only about 15 other people, it was really an honor. He got to the heart of everything so naturally without even having to “think” about it and it was like being in the presence of “god”. I even thought during his presentation “Buddha is in front of me.” It was incredible. He even quoted from Understanding the Mind which is written by Thich Nhat Hanh. He also wrote the book I read time to time when I need gentle reminders of how to just be - Buddha Mind, Buddha Body.

I know some friends on facebook still believe that drugs cause addiction, please understand it isn’t true. Stress damages the brain causing it to seek tools to help itself albeit sometimes misguided. We are just animals and they too use drugs and abuse them and even become addicted but this is only under stress. Prohibition increases this stress!!

Cocaine isn’t addictive, heroin isn’t either but the person who uses them might have a vulnerability to having a particular type of reaction to the use of usually certain types of drugs (some prefer stimulants, others depressants) or activity (gambling, sex, internet, TV) due to past experiences (childhood) resulting in developmental damage (structural, chemical and more changes to the brain) resulting in the reaction of feeling love and belonging that had been missing in their lives up until that moment.

Please believe me, it isn’t ever the drug. Happy people who use heroin and cocaine will not become addicted.

Others I talked to Dana Larsen whom I overheard talking about coca leaves and how nutritious they were (that was such a satisfaction as I wish I could grow them as I need both stimulation and better nutrition - medicinal coca - how is that so different then medicinal marijuana). I talked to Tara Lyons, Gillian Maxwell, Warren Michelow, Phillipe Lucas, Caleb Chepesiuk, Ann Livingstone, Marliss Taylor, Nathan Seckinger and the former Drug Policy Coordinator in Vancouver, Donald MacPherson and Deb Harper.

I missed Kirk Tousaw, Mark Haden, Libby Davies, Rielle Capler, Evan Wood, Judith Grant, and I think that is it. I said Hi to David Malmo-Levine but by that time I was unable to talk which was really disappointing as we both have a very big interest in the decriminalization of drug use in Portugal, how it has been implemented and the effects it might have on drug users who don't abuse or have any potential of developing addiction due to not having any vulnerability.

This was much longer then intended but I type so fast and think faster so...it usually is inevitable. If I try to edit, it just gets longer. I have way to many words floating around in my head all the time. You can by the way become addicted to meditation as the drug or activity doesn't matter, it is the person. This is what Dr. Gabor Mate as everyone kept asking about the stereotypical things like withdrawal. He as I always have said you can't equate physical dependence to addiction as they aren't the same things. Physical withdrawal is not what makes people keep using drugs, it is just a fact of pharmacology and how drugs react to our chemical bodies. We adapt to its presence and this isn't indicative of an addiction problem.

We do not need decriminalization of marijuana we need legalized, regulated and controlled distribution, production of all psychoactive drugs and support for those who use psychoactive drugs, abuse them and are addicted to them.

We need to end Prohibition as forcing people to not do something doesn’t work.

October 24, 2009

Harm of Public Policy

Having public policy in society is very important and this couldn’t apply more then to the consumption of psychoactive drugs in society. Often it is assumed that when individuals talk about ending prohibition they envision a future with children injecting heroin and peddlers on every street but this assumption is sadly, incorrect. People who believe in ending prohibition like myself want a regulated and controlled market rather then the unregulated and uncontrolled market of drugs that currently exists. It isn’t because we don’t want control on the drugs, it is because we do. This control will result in ethical, respectful and scientific ways of distributing drugs which obviously would have to include the production of it as well.
We also need to think about the consumption aspect of it, where would it be allowed? Who would be allowed to use it? What could be ways of establishing a licencing practice similar to like automobile driving which is much more dangerous then sitting at home smoking a joint and even snorting a line of cocaine.

A regulated market provided by both governmental and non-governmental agencies would be required. It would require likely years of implementation with both help from all levels of government, communities and businesses including the currently illegal business which include selling marijuana, hallucinogens, cocaine, and more. We can move beyond cops busting down doors and lawyers trying to make sense of this ineffective method with more realistic and pragmatic policies that hell people rather then hurt. Even with the laws of murder, murder doesn’t cease to exist and sadly with the laws of some drug use being prohibited, murder increases as can be seen right now with the violence in Mexico.

Criminalization of particular behaviours that don’t result in harm to another only crushes the sense of belonging for those who engage in this behaviour. It applied to women while not able to vote, own property or do particular jobs. You only now see women really rising to the challenge to being equal and even after years of fighting, we are still not truly as the ousting from societies and more still exists regardless of how smart or powerful women are becoming. There still is no female as president but yes, a black man will do.

The criminalization of human behaviour that doesn’t harm others isn’t anything new and it includes being gay, not being of particular religion beliefs, of colors, and other behaviors labeled as deviant in society but really are just variances on a spectrum of human behaviour. Murder is a very harmful human behaviour directly to another person that causes great hurt to society as a whole and as yet, we do not understand why the human being behaves in this fashion but until this can be “cured” we put them in jail as we have no other means of protecting society from individuals who may kill again. This goes with for those who hurt others in some way purposely with intention of benefiting from this act. However, people who use drugs, they don’t want to hurt anybody and people who become addicted, are very sick people due to having a potentially life-threatening brain disorder which has many causes, none of which are the individuals fault or the drugs.

Abuse and addiction of drugs is a medical problem with biological roots along with psychological, sociological and cultural/spiritual influences. If the biology is messed, all the other areas of the person's life will be seriously impeded on and unable to function thus leading to maladaptive drug abuse and addiction along with an assortment of problems related to health. Public policy needs to be aware of this and treat those who abuse or are addicted to with special consideration as to their needs for the disability they have. By criminalizing addiction to some drugs, we will never develop any sort of cohesion in society that allows for drug use to stabilize and become less of a social problem then it is currently.

Public policy is creating our social problem of addiction along with how our biology works. When we lack control over our circumstances (prohibition creates this), we begin to do more irrational and dangerous actions as we become more desperate due to the law not preventing people from using drugs but it does cause people to have to lie about it. It is no different then when women would lie and pretend to be a man, today, gay men lie and say they like women and so forth. Drug users lie because we force them to. If prohibition is taken out of the equation of public policy, harm of drugs will go down as the distribution of them becomes established. it is related to feeling internal shame of which is extremely detrimental to the person which transfers to the community and so on, think of the DTES of Vancouver, BC.

A future involves being allowed to grow the coca plant to enable you to chew on the leaves instead of snorting it is as coca leaves aren’t available only cocaine isolated as it is easier to ship and cheaper resulting in bigger profits for the amount of cargo. A regulated market can take this away as people are able to go to a governmental agency that provides known doses of a variety of psychoactive drugs including tobacco and alcohol as they too need to be regulated more effectively to reduce the promotion of the substances. This shouldn’t be allowed as this greatly increases the use. To top it all off, the promotion of these drugs encourages its use as really, most people should be smoking marijuana not drinking alcohol. It is much safer on a daily basis for thirty years. Alcohol can’t be consumed in that fashion without serious health consequences due to its neurotoxicity.

The system won’t be perfect obviously and people will become addicted to drugs no matter what but really the solution is harm reduction as it allows for people to belong again and connect with who they are along with others. It crushes the harm of prohibition as it is no longer demonized as being wrong when it is just a human behaviour that goes wrong sometimes when people are sick.

A future can also recognize that drug use is a tool that we use just like our cars, houses and laundry machines. It has good and bad consequences and for some things, our tools are harder to understand and put into categories. Drug use is very hard and most can’t think of people using drugs without becoming addicted but this is really the norm. Policies need to recognize that drug users aren’t criminals unless they are doing something illegal like drink alcohol and drive.

We need to regulate and try to put some sort of order on our world but this attempted order can’t be more harmful then what it is trying to control.

October 23, 2009

The basic user

It isn't anything new for people to argue, "but the addicts, the addicts" when I talk about using drugs not abusing them or becoming addicted. It is also a fact that yes, we have no idea exactly how many users are out there as the only people that get counted as using drugs are those who either visit the ER due to problems associated with their drug abuse or enter some type of treatment program either in or outpatient.

However, the lack of research into the total number of users out there in comparison to those experiencing problematic substance use or addiction doesn’t mean that it doesn’t exist. Some research indicates that there are as many as 12 users of cocaine for every addict to cocaine. That is less then 10% of people who develop any sort of dependence on cocaine. This is the same for all drugs including alcohol.

Some research is done into simple use instead of only focusing on addiction but not much. One man is Peter Cohen at the University of Amsterdam. His research indicates that even the drugs claimed to be most addictive like heroin, they don’t show ongoing rates of use in those who do use them. This means that most people who use it don’t eventually develop serious and debilitating addiction as is claimed by most.

Although I am not denying addiction exists and never have, I am arguing it isn’t the drug however, but rather the person and their environment. Drugs don’t just suddenly result in physical dependence as this goes against scientific pharmacology. It is the person that craves that love and belonging that the drug can artificially create as that person isn’t finding it in healthy and natural ways.

Drug use by most is not about finding artificial happiness but rather using it to benefit their lives while still loving life. It isn’t about escaping or not wanting to be sober for people who use but rather it is for growing, experience, fun, social bonding and more. Drugs are nothing but tools.

I can argue that cars kill and we need to prohibit them but for the most part, we use them as a tool that can have harm. Drugs are no different!

October 22, 2009

Reducing harm and drug use on earth

http://www.straight.com/article-265288/canadas-war-drugs-bucks-global-trend

This was a great article about how the drug war really isn't winning anything aside from choas and mayhem surrounding us. Not only is it doing this but it is increasing addiction rates otherwise, why would Portugal's rates of abuse be going down?

Although this is no doubt a great article it still misses a key point to drug consumption that all articles miss and that is what about the drug user?

Even cocaine, heroin, LSD and others have users who do not abuse. How should they be helped with forced treatment? I have heard through rumor from a good source that those arrested for simple possession of marijuana are being forced into treatment in the decriminalization measures implemented back in 2001.

To me, this is not decriminalization as you are still being assumed to be doing something wrong as you need treatment for this wrongness. It however, is not wrong to use drugs, abuse and become addicted to is more being sick then wrong but use isn't being sick or doing anything wrong. Using drugs is as natural as having sex or eating and sadly, we are moralizing something after years of moral entrepreneurship by groups from all over the world.

We are scapegoating drugs to be a problem in society but really they are a symptom that something is wrong, not the problem itself.

Drug abuse and addiction goes up when people are unhappy. Happy people don't smoke crack or inject heroin. They may decide to use LSD, cocaine or pot for fun due to the effects it gives them but the next day is back to their lives and the happiness they feel just from living soberly. Drug addicts can't feel this as it has been taken from them and drugs give them that happiness and belonging we all crave so deeply.

This weekend is a weekend of my idols at the CSSDP in Vancouver, BC at the SFU Campus in Burnaby. People like Dr. Gabor Mate, Mark Haden, Kirk Tousaw, Rielle Capler and more. I am so excited. I have met these people aside from Dr. Mate and Rielle Capler and this is going to be an honor. Who thinks it is cheesy if I take my copy of In the Realm of Hungry Ghosts to be signed?

Think about what prohibition does to the world, not just to the drug dealers and users. It hurts us all!

October 2, 2009

Letter to Honourable Rob Nicholson

Dear Honourable Rob Nicholson,

I am writing to you today to express my frustration at the governments way of managing the case of Marc Emery. We need to not only be sovereign from other countries which includes the power of the USA but also have to be scientific in our approach to regulating marijuana.

By supporting prohibition you are not only supporting your citizens being forced to consume higher risk psychoactive substances then cannabis, supporting organized crime and continued power to the corporate powers selling alcohol (false advertising saying alcohol is entirely safe - try working in a detox for 2 years, addiction to it isn't even close to safe. Please consider that by having all psychoactive drugs sold the way they are being it is harming the people you are trying to provide Justice for and this includes tobacco and alcohol. It is great to see the change to covering up the names of brands to youth to the public.

I am a law abiding citizen and in fact just took the LSAT last month. I also happen to be a medicinal medical marijuana user (thus making me not a law-abiding citizen - arrest me if you must), concurrent disorder specialist, substance use and harm reduction consultant who is starting a company providing services to lawyers on how to help include the law with their conditions along with taking full consideration of the client's disability. I have 15 years of eduction on mental health and addiction issues along with 27 years of being a mental health services consumer, my first time was when I was 7 years old. My parents thought my talking about wanting to die wasn't normal and they were right. I have been diagnosed with everything under the sun including the very serious and life-threatening, Bipolar Disorder and psychotic episodes. I have 19 years of experience with pharmaceuticals and still do need them but still use marijuana as that old reliable friend I know is there if my mind goes bendy and I need to think about protecting myself as what I have is life-threatening but my marijuana use isn't to help myself isn't. I can't just shut off my mental health problems although I have tried. I can manage my brain disorder but sadly, this does involve using drugs and marijuana is the safest that I am on. I have all of my doctors full support with my continued use.

I want to tell you this personal information as I am "coming out of the closet" as being a psychoactive substance and mental health services consumer as maybe then it can put some emotion to this plea for Marc. I also want to stress, I am a professional in the mental health and addiction field and I worked on the DTES for 4 years with the worst addicts in Canada. I loved them and they loved me. I wonder what would have happened to these people if they could have had access to effective and respectful treatment. That is my goal with my business, Smart Brain Industries. I do not condone drug addiction or abuse but I do condemn the assumption that all drug use (illicit) is wrong. It isn't even if it isn't for medical purposes as this can be beneficial too. Anything recreational is good for our health, no? Why play games then or engage in hobbies? If all drug use harmed then yes, it would make sense to have all psychoactive drugs illegal but this isn't the case. It lands on a spectrum and most people if not about 80% of people who choose to use any drug, do it with little harm to themselves or others. However, the prohibition of the substance makes the harm more likely as unknown dose or substance is consumed thus leaving the user powerless even if they normally wouldn't have experienced any harm.

Mental illness and marijuana for some may not go together but neither does alcohol and some people. We all react badly to some substances but this doesn't make it bad for the other people to use it, just we have to be careful. Almost like an allergy to it. We don't outlaw peanuts from being sold in grocery stores but we do control it very closely on its distribution, production and treatment for problems when they arise. Every substance on this planet has its advantageous and disadvantageous. We need to regulate drugs in a manner that takes science into consideration along with the rights of individuals in comparison to the protection of society. The use of marijuana is very safe in comparison to other products available on any market as even with marijuana illicit, it still has never killed one person ever on this planet unlike our legal commonly used psychoactive drugs. How is this possible considering even legal drugs kill people like Aspirin and Tylenol?

Please keep Marc in Canada. He not only is not a criminal but a successful entrepreneur who did great things for the economy and culture of Canada. I have had the pleasure of meeting him a few times and he would never hurt a sole. In addition, he even declared his income and never lied to the Canadian government about what he was doing. He is a brave man who deserves our support now as he needs it desperately. Another reason I am so compelled to write about this subject is that the USA is currently a country that is beginning to lose its grasp on how to treat its own citizens. I am worried that Marc will disappear in that system as many other individuals have done in that country. If you feel that yes, he broke the law, he needs to serve his time to society, that is of course, the law and I can understand it. However, keep him in Canada please. He needs to be in a country that will be safe and we can keep very close watch of his whereabouts.

Even if you disagree with Marc's use of marijuana or selling of it of its seeds, it doesn't make it harmful to society. His actions have benefited Canada. Please see this. He is a Hero in this country. He deserves to be protected from the USA's assault of power on other countries. We do not go into their country to get criminals that sell guns to criminals yet how many gun manufactures are there in USA?

You and I both know that Marc Emery never hurt anybody. We have murders and rapists and fraudulent individuals walking away with millions of dollars without so much of a scratch yet Marc is not only being put in jail but in the USA which is not the Canadian system. Why does he need to go to USA to do his time?

Sincerely,

Colleen Fish
604-561-2142
SMART BRAIN Industries
New Westminster, BC